Whats in a name...

Your name can say alot about who you are and where your from. Its your identity. Some people even believe names have special effects that can map out the destiny and predict the future for the beholder. Others insist a name comes with certain personality traits already imbeded in it and shapes people into who they become. These days, young girls and a few boys across the seaboard use precious daydreaming time in class to jot down detailed "Baby Name" lists for their future bundle of joy. Extra attention is put into choosing a name that sounds tasteful to the ear, and maybe even has a positive meaning.

Bob Smith of Beaver County, Utah and his wife, Betty Sue, recently welcomed their 5th son into the world. They named him Jon.

"Well now, just you wait a minute..." Bob replied, when we asked him why he chose such a classic name in an era when people are vying to come up with the wackiest, most outrageous and trendy baby name like Moonshyne Radar or Pixie Stardust. "I ain't all about that fancy shmancy hoo haa". Betty Sue quietly stands by her man and nods in full agreement.

"We chose Jon, after our other four sons who we call Joe, Jeb, Jim, and Harold. These are good names with a kind of reserved confidence and masculine strength that every man must possess to survive". Betty Sue adds "Humble, simple, strong...sturdy. Yes, a good sturdy name is what we Smiths are known for".

Betty Sue (right) alongside her sister, Darlene, listen on as Bob reads passages from the scriptures and explains why celebrity, Ashlee Simpson-Wentz will feel the "wrath" for naming her "out of wedlock offspring", Bronx, after a "city of sin".




But is there really that much importance to what a child is named?

In some cases, the much anticipated naming process can go horribly awry. For example, if your name just so happened to be Anita Bath, many would say your in dire need of a good scrub down when in actuality, you may be squeaky clean and minty fresh.

But while Anita Bath may just be a figment of imagination, her male counterpart is fully alive and kicking, a young fellow that goes by the name: Wayne Dwops.

We recently spoke to Wayne at his family owned Halloween costume emporium in rural Wyoming, his old hometown which he frequently visits from his new hometown of East L.A. He told us that Dwops is a family name that dates back several lightyears to the great Dutch viking, "Flanders MacArthur Dwops of the High Plains".

And Wayne was a name that his mother wrote down as her first choice for a boy in her very own "Baby Name List" back in her 1970's ninth grade classroom. "If it weren't for my Algebra teacher being so creepy and boring, I never would have had the time to ponder up some baby names. Thanks Mr. Gluckman!" said Angelika Dwops, a vivacious woman with a pep in her step. Why did she choose Wayne though? Did it have history or a meaningful meaning? "Nope" she said "It just sounded groovy". All this put together was what Wayne's parents thought equaled one heckuva name.

But the world saw otherwise. "Bullies had a feild day with my name" Wayne tells us, his listless, dreamy eyes looking nowhere in particular, as he journies back to his junior high days. "It was funny to them 'cause you know...It kind of sounds like someone with a really bad lisp saying rain drops".

But it wasnt just his name that the bullies targeted. They also aimed a low blow at his parental units. "They'd be like "So are your parents like one of those, like, freaky, tree hugging dirty hippies? And I'd be all "Huh?" and they'd be like "I didn't stutter, dweeb".

Wayne had to pause for a moment as he seemed to choke back a few wet tears. But he was back after a short bathroom break. He continued, "'Cause hippies are into all that free love and peace and rain crap. So they assumed my parents named me after the rain". A name that had deep roots for one family was turned by those little douchebags into a name that was nothing more than a free spirits favorite thing to sing/dance in or that popular tune some guy sings about how rain drops keep falling on his head.

"I used to sit by my window and stare at the night sky, up to the heavens and I would think why couldnt my parents just have named me Justin or Chaz? Why couldnt they have been less stoned when they chose my name? But now that Im all grown up, I embrace it", Wayne explains, "I constantly tell myself-This is you inside and out. No ifs, ands, or buts about it, mister man!"

And who does Wayne look to for a pick me up when he's feeling sullen? "Boy George, for sure" he says, his face lighting up at the mere mention of the sassy pop icons name. "Boy George is the one that originally stated "I am what I am".


Words to live by.