13.5.09

Goldie Hawn...Dead or Alive?


Today a strange thing happened. We saw that Goldie Hawn was the number 1 yahoo search.
Mind you, the only way Goldie Hawn can be the number 1 yahoo search topic is if she traveled off to the great beyond.

So, since we investigated and found the claim of her demise to be erroneous, we can only search for other alternatives. So what happened to Goldie Hawn to make her number 1 on the yahoo top searches page? What plucked her out of her obscurity?

Maybe she was arrested for public loitering or aggravated assault against a bus driver. Or she may have caused harm out of frustration towards her "actress" offspring, Kate, for her "acting" in nothing but cheesy romantic comedies in the poor company of that hippie surfer dude, Matthew McConaughey.

Perhaps she acquired a pet giraffe from Bosnia (where there are in fact no giraffes, which made it all the more newsworthy)

Perchance she's recreating the classic televsion show "Charles in Charge" in a one woman production. Lets cross our fingers and toes for that little treat ;)

Or it could be she helped her hubby Kurt Russell in a real life full on battle against big trouble in little China.

Conceivably its possible she channeled her southern charm and put out a country album to swoon the mullet donning population.

But alas, after some much needed fact checking, we were totally on the wrong track. Whoops-a-daisy!
Turns out, she's actually being honored with an award for spreading awareness about mental health of children who attend Americas shit-tastic schools.

In an exclusive interview scooped up by "The Times of India", Goldie states "I think our children are really in trouble...There's too much suicide, too many kids killing each other. It absolutely brings tears to my eyes". Yes, Goldie, yes. trust us, we understand.
But we think the real question is not did Goldie Hawn die? Did Goldie Hawn assault a bus driver? or Why is Goldie Hawn the top search?...but rather,

Why the fuck is Goldie Hawn telling all this to The Times of India?

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